When parents hear the words "peer pressure," it can automatically set off red flags and stir feelings of anxiety. Dictionary.com defines peer pressure as, "Pressure from one's peers to behave in a manner similar or acceptable to them." It does not say anything about whether the influence is good or bad necessarily. So, some peer pressure can be good. Of course, some can be bad, and it is a parent's responsibility to take action when it is.
Your tween is at time in her life when she wants to share her thoughts and feelings with someone her own age. She wants to try and spread her wings and discover that there is more to life outside of the house walls. This is a natural course of independence. In this process, your child will discover that not all acquaintances are good for her. This is when you need to be keen to her thoughts and feelings, and make sure that the doors of communication are wide open, so she feels free to talk to you about things that happen in her life.
The most likely places that your child will make positive relationships with friends will be through the things that she likes to do, like dance lessons, school choir, and other extracurricular activities, where friends share a common goal together. These types of relationships are healthy, and tweens are able to help each other through these confusing years with support and encouragement. All the while, they will laugh and have fun together.
Negative influences most likely come from peers that are trying to press your child into doing something that makes her feel uncomfortable, like stealing, talking with inappropriate language, or disrespecting others in any way. This is when a parent must become a detective looking for clues that show your child is uneasy around you, or that an otherwise chatty girl becomes quiet and inward.
So, how does a parent stay in the loop of a pre-teen's life without stepping over the boundaries of trust and growth? Here are some tips:
- Stay involved with your child's activities in school and elsewhere. Know where she is all the time and lend a hand with any organization that allows parent involvement, which is most of them.
- Check homework regularly. Dropping grades can be sign of anxiety from your child, and may need to be corrected by getting to the bottom of the problem.
- While a child this age may argue about clothes she is allowed to wear out of the house, look for drastic changes in styles, as this could be a sign of bad peer pressure dictating what is in style.
- Regularly let your child know that you love her, give her some space, and when she does want to talk, listen intently.
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