As your child approaches the teenage years, she wants more independence. For parents, this is a time of balancing this natural evolution with the desire to keep children emotionally and physically safe. One of the tell-tale signs of adolescence is when tweens begin to develop their own sense of clothing style. What should you do if your child wants to dress in a way that you think is too old?
The Battle Over Clothes
The majority of battles over age appropriate clothes concern girls. Parents of girls face the battle over skirts or shorts that are too short, blouses that are too low cut, too short, too tight or too sheer.
Girls are influenced by television shows and magazines filled with celebrities wearing clothes that may be appropriate for Hollywood, but not for Lincoln Jr. High. They also influence each other, as they battle to be the “cool girl” with the cool clothes.
Why Kids Need to Dress Their Age
Some people might wonder if it matters that an 11-year-old dresses like Avril Lavigne. Psychologists say it does. A recent Newsweek article indicated that as sexiness and body image are emphasized in younger and younger girls, so is the occurrence of mental health issues: negative body image, eating disorders and depression. In her book Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank, author Celia Rivenbark laments: “The saddest part…is that if you dress like you’re a twenty-two-year-old going out to a club after a tough day at work in the city, you don’t get to enjoy being a little kid….they’re kids, not short grownups!”
How to Win the Battle Over Clothes
This is usually a hot button issue, and too often parents and daughters camp out on separate sides of the battle, not willing to negotiate. It is natural that kids want to be stylish and trendy, and it’s natural for them to test you. Understanding that can help you see this process as a normal one, not one designed just to make you pull out your hair.
As a parent, however, you have the responsibility to set the guidelines, and also to teach your child why certain styles may or may not fit into your idea of "okay". Tweens often do not understand the impressions that form when they dress provocatively, and so you need to calmly explain the specifics of why you don’t want to see a thong showing under the jeans of a 6th grader.
With that said, the more creative you can be in reaching a middle ground, the more success you will have. Consider these options:
- Use your school apparel guidelines as your own. Many schools ban too-short skirts and shorts, or spaghetti strapped tops. This makes the rules easy and clear cut.
- Help your child develop her own sense of style. Look for role models whose dress you approve of, and discuss what makes that look successful. Likewise, listen to your child when she tells you why she likes a particular look. Is it possible to incorporate that element in an acceptable way? Layering a light-weight tee shirt under a spaghetti tank creates a new look without being too bare. Likewise, a pair of bicycle shorts can turn a too-short dress into a tunic.
- Accessories can make an outfit stand out. Funky, unusual jewelry, headbands or shoes can be less controversial than apparel and can make a conservative outfit fun.
Helping your child create an individual, yet age appropriate style will also increase her self-confidence as she grows.
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