Pre-Teens Need Time & Energy of Family & Friends
Make Good Teenagers by Providing Solid Support for Tweens
Aug 7, 2009
If the goal is to have a great teenagers, how about taking the pain-staking trouble to invest time and energy in loving tweens and pre-teens? A number of mainstream American kids are at risk of not being prepared socially and emotionally for the teen years.
Problems of Latch-Key Tweens
These children are in a crunch as they are a bit old for child care, yet one wonders if it's wise for them to live the latch-key life with TV, social media, and the internet to fill their emotional and developmental needs.
Tweens are often told to act their age, yet not to expect the privileges of teen life. They practice alone at home or with friends what they perceive as being an awesome teen, often based on misinformation. Yet practice at this age produces habits in teens. Some of these habits are addictive including drugs, alcohol, tobacco, attention-seeking, and self-defeating behaviors.
What's a kid to do? Alone in the house with only the shininess of TV, video games or the internet magic to believe, a tween may learn to expect reality to look choreographed, then may live in disappointment, anger and avoidance.
Others act out similar scenarios at a neighbor's un-attended house or on the street. Many pre-teens are left to their own devices with very little guidance during these formative years.
Misconceptions Adults Often Have About Tweens
Because they've grown so tall, people often misperceive them as not needing to be hugged and at times admonished, with the adult staying around to see that the concepts are developed (including self-concept) and that needed experiences occur.
Because they can talk so well, adults can easily forget to see if they understand the words, and the implications of expressions, songs and events of their daily lives and the media they interact with.
Negative Effects on Pre-Teens and Tweens by Media
Because they mimic sophistication so very well, adults might not notice what they're not doing and not saying. Adults may find it slips their minds to talk to tweens of hopes and fears.
Because they see on the screen and even YouTube the beauty queen and the stocky jock types, caring adults may not realize their pre-teens don't clearly understand the drawn-out process by which one makes a body strong and well. Some believe commercials in deed if not in word. Even though they know the words aren't logical, they may find themselves magnetically drawn to where the excitement is.
Because TV, video games, and a host of other electronic babysitters are there, parents may not get around to honest conversations when needed. Parents may not sit with them and watch TV or movies together, freely risking the sharing of values. This is a good time to hear their dreams, no matter how unrealistic they may be at this age. Sometimes by just listening with respect, pre-teens get the chance to play out illogical reasoning, refining it into realistic thinking.
Emotional Nurturing Needed by Pre-teens and Tweens
Because they have learned how to hide their emotional needs and seem so self-sufficient, adults may forget to let them feel needed (Doesn't everyone want to be needed?)
Because adults want so much to give their children things they didn't have, parents may overlook the greatest hedge against drugs, depression, dependencies and other defeatisms – nurturing their souls.
To this end schedule time together to talk, listen, fuss, forgive, and hug. Doing things together, like giggling or crying at a favorite movie, keeps rapport alive and well. Time spent now talking through concepts will act emotionally like money in the bank in the teen years. Accept natural distancing as growth rather than rejection, yet stay committed to keeping lines of communication open.
This is crucial time to quite clinging to the "grow out of it" myth. If a child seems at risk, don't panic but do something, several things, while reaffirming love, assertive parenting, self-esteem and habit training at home. Seek help, ideas, and comfort from friends, family, and professionals.
Many kids, especially those who are at risk, will have self-destructive habits set in cement by the time teenage arrives. Pre-teens are at an age ripe for attention, guidance, and consistency. This is a good time to be sure they're active in positive growth programs with their peers like scouts, 4-H, church, sports, or music where they will feel a sense of belonging while passing time in safe and nurturing ways.
If the goal is to help children become fine teenagers, perhaps this is a good time to avoid putting tweens in latch-key situations, correct the misconceptions adults often have about pre-teens and tweens, deal with some of the negative effects on these children by media, and provide consistent emotional nurturing to tweens and pre-teens as they develop into teenagers.
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