Parenting Tweens

» atl_guy06 - Spanking

As a father of an 11 and 13 year old, I find that I am in a dilema on whether to still use spanking as a punishment. Spanking of course would only be used as a last resource or in extreme situations.

Since I have recently gone away from using in the past year, I have seen a drop off not in just behavior, but in the non fear of the other consequences. Believe me, grounding and taking away priviledges work, though there is an arrogance and attitude about it that wasn't there before when a spanking was looming in the background.

Therefore my question is; Is it okay to spank an 11 and 13 year old when needed?

Are there any other parents that do so?

If yes, how do you spank them?

What has been your result?

-- posted by atl_guy06

» Denise Oliveri - Spanking

In response to Spanking posted by atl_guy06:

My husband is the primary "spanker" of our family, and he does use it with our 11 and 13 year old, though very rarely. I think when there is an air of attitude and ignorance that comes into play on the child's part, a good ole fashioned spanking is a good way to burst that extra self-esteem and bring back the reality of who is still in charge.

Anyone else have thoughts?

» Rekd - Spanking

In response to Spanking posted by atl_guy06:

My kids are only 2 and 4, so I can't say for sure what I'd do. From what I've learned so far, spanking is already a last resort, and I typically only spank to get attention and for the added shock value.

Being from a divorced family, I got both types of treatment when I was that age, spanking (and more)from my dad, and restriction from my mom/step dad.

Having my freedom and other things taken away from me had more impact than 5 minutes worth of a sore butt, and it seems to have more of an impact on my 4 year old.

Good luck with what every you choose!

Matt

-- posted by Rekd

» Tiffany Bradford - Spanking

In response to Spanking posted by atl_guy06:
I know that it is no longer politically correct to spank children, however I do think that sometimes a good spanking (used rarely) can get a reaction that grounding simply doesn't do.

Keep in mind though, nothing can really ever defeat the teenage attitude.

Good luck!

» Rekd - Spanking

In response to Spanking posted by tifferbugz:

...nothing can really ever defeat the teenage attitude.

Youth and treachery will never overcome old age and wisdom.

:)

-- posted by Rekd

» Victoria Anisman-Reiner - Spanking

In response to Spanking posted by atl_guy06:

I am not a parent, but I am against spanking in general.

Studies have repeatedly shown that children and infants who are spanked do not develop the same self-esteem and self-reliance as children who were never spanked or hit. Corporeal punishment by parents also weakens children's trust in their parents - a serious rupture in the parent-child relationship.

» Rekd - Spanking

In response to Spanking posted by OilsDragon:

Studies have repeatedly shown that children and infants who are spanked do not develop the same self-esteem and self-reliance as children who were never spanked or hit.

Really? I've never seen one. I wonder if these studies shows lower or higher self esteem, or if it just says it's "not the same"...

I am not a parent

I am.

No offense, but lets leave parenting to parents, not virtual parents with nothing to go on except someone else's experience. Lets also keep parenting out of the hands of the government, mkthks.

I've been around parents who don't spank, don't yell, don't do squat when their kids misbehave, and I'm here to tell you it's miserable to see. I've also got first hand (family) experience with grown kids who have never been spanked, and they're usually in more trouble than the rest.

:)

-- posted by Rekd

» Tracy Rose - Spanking

In response to Spanking posted by OilsDragon:
I am a parent of two boys, 4 and 8, and though they are not tweens yet, I do have something to add here. They have their moments where I'd like to spank them from time to time, but I am against spanking. I don't think it teaches kids anything but violence.
An example is that my husband participated in a kickboxing fight last fall for the fun and exercise value of it. He insisted our kids be there to see daddy fight. Guess what they still try to do everyday? You got it! They fight and wrestle each other! Not good. I am always playing the part of the ref. Imagine if I spanked one or both of them. They would think it is OK to hit each other too. How I can I tell them not to hit and then turn around and hit them?
I am not looking forward to the teen years.

» Diane Laney Fitzpatrick - Spanking

In response to Spanking posted by Rekd:

I guess I'll step up here and be the one to say that I think spanking (or inflicting any type of physical pain or humiliation) as a way of trying to get children to behave differently is wrong.
I don't think it works. Maybe for some, but I've not seen it.
What it comes down to is you're trying to change a behavior by convincing kids they should try to avoid the punishment because it hurts. There are much better ways to change behavior.
I don't think kids should receive physical pain (or even discomfort) from their parents, the people who are supposed to protect them.
Whatever a child has done - taking a privilege away, talk, talk and more talk - seems to me to be a better solution. Why did they do it? Didn't they think of the consequences? What are the consequences? How would they feel if someone did that to them? And my personal favorite that I got from my mother - I AM SO DISAPPOINTED IN YOU. I used to wish my mother would just swat me one, I would feel so bad.
I'm not criticizing any parent who spanks their kids. For every 100 kids there are 98 different types and who knows what the best solution is for each family?
I do feel that once a kid gets into the teen years, a spanking has got to be unbelievably humiliating.