Parenting Tweens

» dmd4719369 - wits end with a 10 l/2 yr oldl girld

Help...My daughter and I are not getting along..to make matters worse, i'm in the middle of a divorce and of course if i set a rule she says daddy will let her!
I need to find a way to communicate with her without shouting and yet still have her HEAR me. anyone?

-- posted by dmd4719369

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» Denise Oliveri - wits end with a 10 l/2 yr oldl girld

In response to wits end with a 10 l/2 yr oldl girld posted by dmd4719369:

I know this may sound like a broken record if you have asked anyone else for advice, but you need to be the one setting rules, if your ex does not bother. My sister went through this same ordeal when she was going through a divorce. At 10-1/2-years-old your daughter is changing a lot physically and psychologically, and she needs discipline and rules more than ever. She will respect you one day, and see you as the stronger parent for caring.

In the meantime, have you tried planning a girl's day out with a spa treatment, a lunch date, going to movies together. Even though you are trying to keep sanity in your house and you are left being the "mean parent" with rules and such, there is no reason you cannot plan fun things to do together either.

Hope this helps. Let me know if you have any other questions or if these ideas were not satisfactory.

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» Sharon Harper - wits end with a 10 l/2 yr oldl girld

In response to wits end with a 10 l/2 yr oldl girld posted by oliverid5:
I have a 10 year old girl and we reached this point in May of this year. She was being mean, not listening, screwing up homework, fighting and talking back. I felt like all I did was yell. I knew the problem was rooted in her being able to express herself but also in her frustration with the start of raging hormones. And my rules, which are carved in stone.

I sat her down for a talk about herself. I asked her to make a list of the things she liked about herself and the things she didn't. I then made her a list of the things I liked about her. I asked her to think of her very favorite friends and write down what she liked most about them and again for those people she didn't like. This little exercise made her see how she was behaving in a different light. This wasn't me telling her she was being a monster - she told herself she was acting like a monster.

Tweens are really too old for timeout so we developed a hand signal from me when I want to cut her off at the pass. Her choice was a flat palm held up so she could see it. We now call time out "taking a break."

This all worked. It took about a month to really kick in but 6 months later, I don't yell unless it's hollering about hurrying up in the morning. We're communicating now and discussing what needs to be discussed. Treat her as the young adult that she is becoming and that should at least open an avenue for you to talk to her.

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» Diane Laney Fitzpatrick - wits end with a 10 l/2 yr oldl girld

In response to wits end with a 10 l/2 yr oldl girld posted by maui6347:

Wow, what a great exercise! I've always agreed that writing things down forces you to look at things differently. What a great solution!

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