Parenting Tweens

» Sharon Harper - wits end with a 10 l/2 yr oldl girld

In response to wits end with a 10 l/2 yr oldl girld posted by oliverid5:
I have a 10 year old girl and we reached this point in May of this year. She was being mean, not listening, screwing up homework, fighting and talking back. I felt like all I did was yell. I knew the problem was rooted in her being able to express herself but also in her frustration with the start of raging hormones. And my rules, which are carved in stone.

I sat her down for a talk about herself. I asked her to make a list of the things she liked about herself and the things she didn't. I then made her a list of the things I liked about her. I asked her to think of her very favorite friends and write down what she liked most about them and again for those people she didn't like. This little exercise made her see how she was behaving in a different light. This wasn't me telling her she was being a monster - she told herself she was acting like a monster.

Tweens are really too old for timeout so we developed a hand signal from me when I want to cut her off at the pass. Her choice was a flat palm held up so she could see it. We now call time out "taking a break."

This all worked. It took about a month to really kick in but 6 months later, I don't yell unless it's hollering about hurrying up in the morning. We're communicating now and discussing what needs to be discussed. Treat her as the young adult that she is becoming and that should at least open an avenue for you to talk to her.